The debits and credits of life...

25 y/o male presents to the ER, suicidal ideation - consult psychiatry

58 y/o male presents to the ER, suicidal ideation - consult psychiatry

38 y/o female on the psychiatry ward, admits suicidal ideation - you betcha, a consult.

And then there was this man in the cardio-resp ward. 77 years old, can't breathe from his COPD and can't keep his head upright because of a CVA. He's DNR now but when I asked him whether he wants die?

NO (as if I'm talking crazy)
I want to go home and live with my wife *breath*, my dogs, my kids *breath* and their kids.
*head slumps into pillows because his arm to too tired from hoisting it up*

I'm writing this tonight because I think I'm suffering from a mild case of TMS. Too Much Suicide. As much as I've tried to separate myself from the despondence that comes with the stories that I am hearing everyday it's hard not to feel a little sadness about the world when I come home. How could there be a 25 year-old who wants to die when there's a man more than triple his age struggling to hold on to his? To be fair I understand everyone I've met who wants to commit suicide has SOME reason to - not necessarily a good reason, but there is a reason. But I guess a guy can only take so many awful stories before he begins to lose that once-a-week 5 minutes of sunshine he gets on his walk to work on sleep-in day. (Note: once-a-week is a gross exaggeration - the reality is more like once a month)

Clearly I still haven't completely made sense of what I'm experiencing as you can tell from the disorganization of this piece but ultimately this is my reaction to my experiences in psychiatry so far. I have been told to expect some sort of reaction from psychiatry patients. Their weird and wonderful delusions will not sit well with you sometimes. Their awful stories will give you pause to take stock of how good you have it. And their racist, vulgarities that they spit in your face aren't personal - so don't take it personal.

More to come.