Today, unruly children who have stupid parents. Tomorrow, the world!

I attended a problem based learning session a little while ago. It was my first one outside of medical school. I didn't know that doctors used PBL after they graduated, but hey. The ice caps are melting, Israel and Iran both have nuclear weapons, Scrubs looks like it's going into its last season... everything else is going down the tubes, why not education for doctors?

Anyway. This session's PBL was on sleep disturbances in kids and what family doctors need to do about it. One of the doctors who was completing the session with us commented on how there was no limit to the scope of family practice, and GPs nowadays are expected to be prepared to deal with all facets of the everyday life. I wasn't sure what she was getting at until I read what exactly the sleep disturbance we were to learn about was: resisting bedtime.

Resisting bedtime! It's exactly what it sounds like. Little kids who don't want to go to bed when their parents say it's bedtime. I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks this is something that you DON'T have to make an appointment for. If a kid doesn't want to go to bed, then you MAKE them go to bed. HMOs and publically funded programs, you'll receive invoices for this doctor trip cash money saving 3 step consensus statement I've provided.

To make your kid go to bed

1. Take off your belt. Belts with rhinestones generally frowned upon. Generally.
2. Psh-snap!
3. Celebrate parental victory by indulging in primetime television complete with cursing and borderline softcore pornography.

Done and done. You get to watch your Heroes, and for the rest of your child's life, his ass will really start to tingle around 8pm and he'll never ever figure out why until he has a kid of his own.

You don't need to visit a doctor for "resisting bedtime". I think there're too many issues out there that have been medicalized way beyond the point of there being effective medical management for any of them. One of my teachers once told me that we should all be teaching our patients masturbation as part of sexual education. Now, is that really a medical issue or is it just something that nobody wants to deal with so they leave it to the doctors? If someone's masturbating or not, is it really anybody's business? For crying out loud, I already have to stick my finger up your ass. I don't know if there's a way I can make that relationship anymore awkward, but if there is, I'm sure it's talking about masturbation.

Quit making doctors do things that doctors aren't qualified to do, like disciplining your kids. That's Supernanny's job. If you need pills, I got pills. If your kid needs a belt, you need to start wearing some pants, my friend.